Walks With Sara
by Sweevil to the Heart
Summary: After Dead Doll. They never found Sara. Grissom tries to escape by going to the place she was last scene alive. So what happens when he finds her again and goes on walks with her at night? GSR R&R Oneshot


Disclaimer: I own nothing

This is just something that has been in my mind since I saw the end of the miniature killer in CSI. It's mildly depressing but somewhat…sweet, I guess. This is what staying up late every Friday night leads to.

3rd Person POV:

They searched everywhere.

They searched and searched all day and night, into the next day and even the next night.

But they didn't find her.

Not a trace of Sara Sidle could be found in that desert. By the first afternoon Catherine confirmed that she had gotten lose from the car and began wandering. By the first night they confirmed that she was lost and didn't know where she was going. By the second day they confirmed that she had to be critically injured and nearly dead. By the second night they confirmed she was dead.

They never found a body. All they found was a fire engine red mustang, her vest, and sand.

Nothing else.

He had vowed he would find her and failed miserably.

Everybody took it hard.

Sofia and Brass obsessing themselves into Natalie, trying to find out every single tidbit of information they could that lead to the creation of this killer. As if, by finding out her problems they could fix them and, in turn, fix her mistakes. As if they could bring Sara back.

Greg quit being a CSI and went back to the DNA lab. Without his mentor and teacher there with him, he couldn't do the job. The beating he got that night in the alleyway may have hurt him physically like never before, but this was different. Sara had been a minor crush during the early days of there relationship, though that had passed quickly when he saw her with Grissom, but when she started to show him the ropes he had gained a huge respect for the CSI. She had become an inspiration, and without her there helping him along and encouraging his successes, he felt no pull to being a CSI anymore.

Warrick's gambling obsession came back. He spent endless nights off at the casinos, spending his pay on girls, drinks, and gambling games. In his mind, Sara's life had been a gamble with chance that they had lost, bad. So he tried to fill the hole in his life that his friend and co-worker filled by taking chances that didn't risk any more lives. Safe chances.

Nick became badly off focus. He would be in a crime scene, bagging and tagging the evidence around him, when suddenly his eyes would become glazed over and cross-eyed and his mind would be in another world, another time. A happier one. He would be consumed by memories of the woman who became like a little sister to him and lose his hold on the world around him. Someone would have to shake him to knock the Texan out of the trance or he would stay that way for hours, frozen to the spot as he mentally relived his favorite memories of his time with Sara.

Catherine tended to distract herself. She spent all her time making sure that the others got better, got over it. She would be the one who knock Nick out of his trances. She would be the one to remind Brass and Sofia-who eventually quit and moved to Seattle because she couldn't handle the stress and tension of remaining in Vegas-that there were other cases to work on. She was the one that would accompany Warrick to the casinos to make sure he didn't make any horrible mistakes that would ruin his life. She was the one who called everyone after work to make sure that they made it home safe. She became a mother duck that was too afraid of losing anyone else and scared that if she did, she would fall off the deep end.

But there one person who she couldn't help, couldn't save. As the others got better with time and counseling-Nick's trances became less and less, Warrick managed to stop going to bars and casinos, Brass managed to think about and focus on other criminals, Greg actually cracked jokes again-there was the one man who she couldn't fix, even with all of her attempts.

Gil Grissom.

Grissom became catatonic to put it lightly. It took a week before Brass managed to drag him to work and out of their-his now-townhouse. It took a few hours of determined coaxing by Catherine for him to begin to work on papers again. It took two weeks and physical force for Warrick, Nick, and Catherine to get him to work a dead body again. And after that Grissom was out sick because that night his migraines that were the result of nightmares caused him to develop a fever and be rushed to the hospital by Brass and Catherine.

They tried everything, but nothing worked. Counseling, provided by both the lab and professional friends of Conrad Ecklie's (you know it's bad if Ecklie is trying to help Grissom) were no use. Nights with the group made reminders of before too much to bear. Even sitting on the couch with Hank was too much of a struggle for Gil to do anymore.

Nothing held any light to him anymore-the colors of the Earth had washed away into the sands of time that night, taking all of Gilbert Grissom's happiness away with him. When Nick caught Grissom staring blankly at the wall in the lounge room one day and asked him what he saw there, Grissom told him this.

"I see black and white. There is nothing but a wall of white bricks shrouded with black shadows. There is nothing. No colors. Not even brown, my favorite. No colors."

Grissom had trailed off then and Nick, slightly disturbed and fearing for Grissom's vision, informed Catherine who immediately took Grissom to the doctors to get his sight checked. No matter what Gil said, his vision was still perfectly in color.

Because Grissom was so lost and unable to lead the failing graveyard shift team, Ecklie asked Catherine to take the supervising role. Grissom happily stepped down-though happily wasn't really the correct word, Gil Grissom was not 'happy' anymore- and Catherine happily stepped up. She enjoyed the position to where she could watch over her guys.

On day, while at a scene-something he rarely did anymore since every time he saw a body he thought about Sara's missing one-he looked up and saw a picture that changed his life.

It was a picture of the victim, a tiny brown-haired child, eight years of age, who had brown eyes like elephant dung, a mass of curly hair that made an afro-like shape on her head, and tanned skin that showed her Dominican heritage. He knew that before the kidnapping he would have thought kinder thoughts about the child, but he just couldn't do that anymore.

No colors.

But in the picture, the little girl was in the middle of a familiar desert. She was alone in the picture, so Gil didn't know who had taken it, but the child was wearing a survival outfit with a pack on her back that was for long-term camping and hiking.

That was when Gil Grissom had frozen. Because that desert was too familiar.

It was the patch of endless desert that Sara had probably died in. Sara died in.

Suddenly Grissom rose from his spot hunched over the body of the child who had been stabbed repeatedly with a butcher's knife and power-walked out the door.

"Grissom, where the hell are you going? We're in the middle of a crime scene dammit." Catherine yelled at him from her position on the other side of the body.

"There." Was Grissom's answer, and the only one he gave her.

He got into his car and drove, no _sped_, to the site where the car had been found.

It was past midnight and the moon was past it's highest point and slowly falling. A slight wind blew mini tornados of sand in various places, giving the desert a mystical feel as Grissom stepped out of the car and into the empty wasteland the surrounded Las Vegas. The full moon's glow melted into the scenery.

This was the place. Over three months ago this silent waterless ocean was filled with the roar of thundering rain and the screams of the woman he loved drowning in it. He had no memory of this since he wasn't present at the time, but being here almost made it seem impossible that this magical place could hold such horrors.

But it had. And he was sure that would again.

"_Grissom. Gil."_ The words were whispers in his ears and Gil Grissom jumped in fright; nobody should be here with him, he had come here alone.

But as he spun 360 degrees, Gil Grissom saw no origin of the voice he had just barely heard. The wind bellowed again, carrying words that he never thought he would hear again.

"_I love you."_

Grissom froze for the second time that night, his eyes reaching the size of Frisbees.

"Sara…" He breathed.

Then he could no longer take it.

"SARA! Sara, I hear you, where are you?" He yelled.

His voice carried out into the open desert in the same way a wolf's howl echoes down the forest-covered mountains of the small town of Lottery. But his howls were not answered by another kindred soul.

"Sara! Sara…" All emotion left him and the desert turned into the pale gray that the rest of the world was as Gil sadly realized that it was only his imagination messing with him. His memory playing tricks on him.

No colors.

"_I wish I was like you, Grissom. I wish I didn't feel anything."_

Her words from one of there first disagreements with each other came back to him another whisper, just like the first two. It was like the wind knew her words and played them back for him, blew them into his ears in teasing tones the made his pulse both slow down out of relaxation-she always could calm him-and increase out of anger from the mocking his own mind was giving him.

He both loved and despised this beautiful torture. He never wanted it to stop.

This was what he subconsciously had known that he would receive from coming here. Her voice.

"I have feelings…" Grissom murmured to the wind a desperate response to some of the cruelest and memorable words she had ever said to him. It had hurt him deeply when she said this and haunted his nightmares for years.

They had told him the one thing he never thought was possible-that he had done too good of a job at pushing others away. And when it came to Sara, he hadn't really known just how little time he would get with her.

It wasn't enough.

"_I know you do…now. You wouldn't have come here if you didn't."_

Now the wind was really messing with him Grissom thought as another gust blew from behind. He had never responded that to her and she had never answered that way. So his mind must be making it up.

"_Evidence doesn't lie Gil, you said it yourself. Only people lie. Like right now; you are lying to yourself."_ The wind responded. It was only his imagination that made it sound just like Sara's loving voice, softly reminding him of past memories.

"I see no evidence Sara," Gil said back to the force of nature bitterly. He sat down onto the shifting ground as the moon's glow brightened slightly. He didn't know why he said Sara's name since she wasn't here-maybe he was just humoring his imagination. "So please Sara, show me the proof of whatever you are proving."

"_Turn around please baby." _Sara's voice cooed at him from behind. The wind that created the words placed dust into his graying hair but he payed no mind to it and turned around anyway.

She stood there, casted into a ray of moonlight. He couldn't contain his shock as he stared at her.

She was pale in light that was so dull and lifeless but Gil Grissom didn't care as he rose to his feet. She was wearing the outfit that she had been last been seen in but it was torn up and dirtied. She looked thin too, but not in the weight sense; it was like she was faded from existence, he solidness thinned out until you could tell a difference.

"Sa-Sara?" Gil stammered. She gave him a saddened look.

"_Gil, I love you." _

Gil Grissom dragged his feet til he was inches away from his dead ghost of a girlfriend. She stared softly back, her gaze almost sad. Her brown eyes were just like he had remembered them being, aside from the life drained out of them.

"You're alive?" He whispered in hope-he couldn't help it. Her gaze became even sadder. Depressed.

"_No I'm not Gil."_ Her words hit his heart and he was forced to except the truth for the first time; his catatonic ways had helped him avoid it. He wanted to pull his chest open and rip his heart out at the pain of realization. She really was dead. He was alone.

She saw the pain on his face.

"_No baby, no." _She cooed._ "Smile please. Smile that beautiful smirky smile that I love. Please baby, please."_

He forced a smile on his face but it felt like a grimace to Gil. Sara laughed and grains of sand nearly entered his eyes as the wind blew again.

"_At least you tried."_ She said. Then she frowned. _"You haven't been trying, have you?"_

Gil knew what she meant behind that second sentence and she knew her answer immediately when he looked down and focused his eyes on his shoes. Gil couldn't stop his sadness at the disappointment on her face, glorified in moonlight. "No…"

"_Ah, baby!" _She cried._ "Why? I know the others must have been trying but why not you too? You need it the most. I'm dead Gil baby; you can't change that no matter how hard you try. I died in the desert and I stay in the desert."_

Gil Grissom was quiet for a long time as his perfect memory stared at him with disapproving eyes. He couldn't stand the dead and transparent look of them. He had never wanted to see that.

"I love you," His voice was broken into a million pieces as he said this. "I can't let you go honey…It would be a crime worth the punishment of death." Tears welled up in his eyes as blue-gray ones spilled out of hers.

"_Oh Gil! You can't, you can't hold onto me! It's bad for you baby; I can see how much you changed. I don't want you to change. I love you as the man who sat at his desk memorizing poetry and playing with his insects in his spare time. Don't change baby, don't change."_

The wind had been blowing full force now and Grissom closed his eyes as tiny grains of sediment filled them. He stumbled back to his car as the wind continued and managed to get inside and splash the sediment out with water from a water bottle beside the driver's seat.

Gil Grissom looked to the sky and saw that a large lone cloud had completely covered the moon, blocking it's glow. Sara had also disappeared, and tears continued their track as he pulled out of desert and drove home. He had been out here for hours though it felt like minutes.

But as the wind blew continuously outside the vehicle, Sara's words continued to chant inside his ears, tickling him like an itch that one cannot scratch.

"_No baby, no._ _Don't change baby, don't change. Please baby, please."_

_~X~_

The day went on and every night from then on Gil Grissom went out into the moonlight and talked to Sara. They never did more than talked, but it would always end with Sara begging him not to change.

"But with you around I won't need to change. Everything will be perfect again." He had told her on the fourth night. She hadn't seemed to like that answer but Gil Grissom ignored her worry for him; if she were present in any way at all, he would be happy.

For the first time since she died, he was truly happy.

And his attitude change was noticed by the co-workers. Catherine or Brass didn't have to drag him to work or to scenes anymore. Warrick and Nick didn't have to pull him into a conversation by his legs as he clawed the ground for an excuse anymore- he talked with them in a similar manner that he had before Sara came, though less often. He went Doc Robbins and made inferences and theories about how the victims were killed again. He even could communicate with victim's families and suspects again without freaking them out with his emotionlessness-because he wasn't emotionless anymore.

They all puzzled over what could have caused such a sudden 180-degree turn to happen with their friend like this, especially after his soul mate's death. Catherine eventually couldn't take it anymore and asked him outright.

"Why the hell are you so different Grissom?" She asked deadpan.

Gil Grissom looked up from the papers he was doing at his desk to the redhead at the open door of his office. His sole response was to stare at her.

"Dear God, answer me! Why are you so…such a regular-before-Sara-Grissom again?" She asked. Her patience was thin with the now normal employee and Catherine couldn't help but notice the difference in setting now. She was his boss and the love of his life-something Catherine didn't even believe Grissom had for the longest time-was dead, her body never recovered. So why was he almost…smiling at her irritation?

Gil Grissom sighed; Catherine was very annoyed and he knew that she wouldn't leave him alone til she got what she wanted.

"I…take walks." He said smoothly. He realized as he said this that he had never walked with desert Sara and that he now feverishly wanted too. "In the desert near the site that her vest was found underneath the car."

Catherine froze at this information and gaped openly at her old boss. She had never guessed that he would allow himself to be so close to such a horrible memory. She knew that she herself could never do that.

Grissom quickly excused himself and Catherine stayed in that spot for a good few minutes before she snapped put of it and went running for the others.

"GREG! WARRICK! NICKY! We have a PROBLEM!"

_~X~_

"WHAT!" The three men all yelled at their new supervisor. Catherine was flailing her arms around in panic like a fish flopping on dry land but she couldn't help it; this was bad, very bad. Catherine was no physiatrist, but she knew when something was bad for somebody's mind. And these 'walks' were awful for Gilbert Grissom's mind.

She was surprised that he seemed so normal again because of these things. But she knew in her heart that these walks weren't good in the long run.

"What are we going to do?" Greg asked in panic-filled confusion. He had ne clue what to do for his went-off-the-deep-end-a-long-time-ago old supervisor.

"I'll call him," Nicky suggested as he managed to keep the clearest head. Catherine nodded repeatedly, agreeing with the plan; it was smart and sensible. And her panic over again as the thought of losing one of her boys, especially the one who he had known the longest of them all, became heartbreaking. She had a million possible death scenarios run through her head and she struggled to stop them all-or at least a majority.

Gil Grissom was standing in the dimmed moonlight with Sara trying to convince her to walk with him. She was more transparent tonight because of the many clouds in the sky that block half of the moon's rays, but other than that she was like usual.

"Please Sara; I want to just walk a little ways with you." He begged.

She pondered the idea a little longer before sighing sadly.

"_OK Gil, I'll walk with you. If it makes you happy…"_

Gil Grissom smiled happily for the first time since Natalie and Sara's according smile was just as huge, if not bigger.

"_That's it baby! That's the Gilbert Grissom I know and love! Keep smiling like that and life will get better for you in no time!"_

Grissom managed to keep his smile the same way as to not show her that the idea of life getting better was impossible to him at the moment-he had her so he was happy. So unless she was really alive, which she wasn't, life couldn't become any more heavenly.

The pair began a small trek forward and Sara's eyes turned from the normal pale dead look that no emotion could take away to the to a look of such amazed discovery that her brown orbs almost looked alive.

Almost.

"What is it honey; what did you figure out?" He asked her. She shook her head and he frowned at the incomplete answer.

"No what?" He asked. She once again shook her head and he sighed unhappily at her lack of response.

Then his phone rang.

"Sorry Sara, this will just take a minute." Grissom told her, grabbing his phone from his pocket and preparing to press talk.

"_No baby; I have to go. Come back tomorrow and we'll walk again. I hope you find your way back." _She told him and the usual gust of wind accompanied her words. It happened every time she talked so he had just gotten use to it over the last five nights.

The phone continued to ring as the first drops of rain began to fall from the clouds overhead that had been blocking the moonlight all night. He frowned and wondered what she meant by finding his way back til he realized that the car was nearly out of sight from his current position. He ran to his car just as the rain became a more steady flow and Grissom managed to open the phone.

"Hello?"

"What. The. Hell. Grissom. Did you go out walking tonight? Did you not see the thunderclouds rolling in overhead? Are you going insane or are you already there?"

Catherine's screeching meant she was worried sick about him but how could she not? The man was living with a memory and she knew it.

"Ahh…"Grissom racked his brain for an excuse he could tell her. She would be angry at him for being out tonight in this rain so he couldn't tell her the truth. Then he coughed.

Perfect.

"I'm sick Catherine, I had to stay home." He said.

"Sick? I hear the rain you idiot; you're outside. Or at least you were." She replied angrily.

Grissom's teeth began to chatter and he realized then how cold he was from being in the rain. "I had to go get medicine Catherine. I didn't have any at home. Currently I am inside my car in the parking lot. I was about to drive home when you called."

They were really only half-lies since some sentences were true while others were not. He was just about to drive home. He didn't have any medicine in his medicine cabinets. He was inside the car.

"OK Gil…" His name didn't sound right when she said it because it was Catherine. Only when Sara said it did it sound right. "I'll meet you at your house OK? I'm bringing the guys too-and don't say a word, we just haven't had a get together in a while." He had been about to protest but Catherine had beat him to it so there was no use, they were coming.

Grissom sighed as Catherine hung up. That was exactly what he didn't want-for the whole team to come over during the night. He was wet, covered with sand and dirt, and was in his after-Sara-talk trance. Or in better words, he was dazed from being with her, like he always had been, and might accidently start talking to her again in an effort to get her to appear again. Plus, if he were to sleep now, his dreams would be consumed with her.

He drove to his townhouse to find that the guys were not there yet, he jumped at the chance to take a lightning fast shower and rid himself of all evidence of being in the desert.

But he wasn't good enough. When Catherine and the guys arrived Warrick noticed that there was mud and sand all over the Denali's tires. He told the others and they all knew that their old boss had been out into the desert tonight.

Greg knocked on the door and was answered by a freshly clean Grissom dressed in casual clothes. He frowned when he saw them.

"Catherine…" He said, glaring at her.

"Grissom…" She said right back, giving him a disapproving look. He turned and saw the mud and sand covered tire and realized why she was scolding him. They knew.

Gil Grissom managed to make it look as if he hadn't realized this as he welcomed his friends and co-workers in. As Catherine came into her old boss's now new employee's house, she couldn't help but think about how much trouble would have been avoided if she had been supervisor in the first place and Gil Grissom had just been another employee, like Sara Sidle.

_~X~_

"_How is work Gil baby? How are Catherine, Warrick, Nick, Greg, and Brass doing?"_ She asked him on night. They had been meeting here for two weeks now and walking nine days. Every night she told him to remember which direction they went and how far they would go. Gil Grissom didn't understand why she asked this of him, but if it kept them going on these walks, then he would do anything she asked of him.

"They're alright, I think." He responded. He hadn't realized til then that even though he spent a majority of his time with his co-workers, he couldn't think of anything that he knew had been going on in their lives. It was like he had been there with them but the words were muted out of his memory.

Or he hadn't been listening.

"_You think?" _She asked, obviously disappointed in him for not knowing for sure. The wind became a little sharper, faster.

"Ahh," Grissom racked his brain for some information, any information, that showed he had been paying attention to the life that he had around him. But reality had no colors to him, so his mind payed little attention aside from the cases he worked. Every spare moment was spent thinking about both live Sara and desert Sara.

Their similarities. Their differences. Sara.

Then he finally remembered something that might be of interest of her.

"Greg quit being a CSI. He said it was easier to go back to the lab after losing you. You really were an inspiration to the guy. Catherine told him that this wasn't what you wanted him to do, but Greg held strong and went back to DNA. Wendy quit shortly afterwards and now her and Hodges are set to be married sometime in December."

He glanced at her, wanting to twine their fingers together in the moonlight like the old days, but decided that it wasn't a good idea. He wasn't sure if touching her would make her disappear like rain or darkness did.

"_WHAT!" _Sara screamed at him. Gil Grissom jumped in fright; she had never screamed before. The wind hit him sharply now right on his face and he staggered back at its power.

"_How could you let him do that? It was his dream Gil Grissom and you let him give that up because of me! No way; you are going to drive over to Greg's apartment right now and convince that boy to take his job back. Without me there you are one short and I refuse to let it go down to two missing! Go now!"_

The wind began to blow furiously and Gil Grissom stumbled back in the direction of his car. He had followed Sara's orders and memorized exactly where

Sand attacked him with the fury of the wind behind it but he managed to get to his Denali and drive straight to Greg's house. The lab tech was shocked when his old boss appeared at his door and was silent with amazement when he demanded him to take his CSI job back. Unable to respond in any verbal way, Greg Sanders only managed to nod his head slowly up in down, signaling a yes.

Gil Grissom happily left the house, his mission accomplished. He left Greg Sander's house with a series of very cryptic parting words.

"I know that life is hard for everyone, but when you find a way to escape it, then everything becomes focused."

_~X~_

Greg began working again and when Catherine and the other guys asked him why he told them about Grissom's visit.

"Whoa, what lit a fire under Griss's butt?" Warrick asked nobody in particular.

Nick shrugged his shoulders and Catherine looked concerned. Something wasn't right with Gilbert Grissom and she needed to know if these 'walks' were the cause of it.

_~X~_

Two months. Two months since they began walking together. A little longer since they first saw each other again.

Sara began to repeat the pattern of their walks all over again about a week ago. She seemed to want to implant the routes into his mind, and he had to admit it was working. He would wander around the lab at times, going in the direction that he had gone the night before with Sara. Warrick would catch him in the halls and ask him why he was going to the morgue with fingerprint evidence and Grissom would make an excuse that he needed to check and see if Mandy was in the morgue because she wasn't in her lab. Then Warrick would tell him that he had just seen her in her lab and Grissom would run off there claiming some stupid excuse like bad eyesight.

Gil sighed. He needed to pay better attention to his surroundings like Sara told him. She rarely talked these days, and even though the lack of sand in his eyes he would rather hear her voice again.

It was getting darker too. Clouds became more common than ever in the night skies and Sara became less and less solid than usual. He didn't try to connect any dots like he usually would have; rather, he let mysteries be mysteries and enjoyed the presents that their secrets gave him.

He would rather be naïve than be without Sara.

But by the time two more weeks had passed on they finally finished the walking pattern for the second time. He was saddened by this accomplishment because he knew that she could disappear forever any moment she chose.

"Sara?" He asked her on one especially dark night. She was so see-through that he almost couldn't see her. His darkest nightmares attacked him at the thought of loosing his visions of her. His eyes remained glued to her form, forever beside him as they walked.

"_Yes Gil." _She responded.

"Will you promise me something?" He was careful about reading her face, not wanting her to know that he was. She saw anyway.

"_It depends baby. I can't promise you everything."_

"It's not much," He responded. She sighed and looked up to him with her nearly non-existent brown eyes. Her fingers nervously toyed with the torn end of her shirt.

"_Tell me,"_ She begged.

"Stay. Please stay. That's all I want from you Sara. For you to stay with me."

Sara looked sadden by his request but he wouldn't take it back; it really was all he wanted from her.

Tears erupted from her eyes again.

"_This isn't good for you Gil baby, this isn't good! You need to move on, not hold onto me forever. You have a life to live Gilbert Grissom, and I want you to live it with living people, not me, some poor lost soul or figment of your imagination or whatever I am. Now go home and join Greg, Warrick, Nicky, Catherine, Brass, David, and Doc at that bar that you told me they were planning on going to tonight!" _She yelled at him, demanding that he go.

Gil Grissom felt heartbroken at his love's wishes for him to leave. And she never promised. Tears, something that only occurred out here with her ironically enough, began to fall without permission. He looked away.

"_Oh no baby. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm just worried and I bet the gang is too. I love you Gil Grissom; don't ever forget that. I solemnly swear that I will never leave you Gil baby. You were my life and even now you still are." _She said, trying to comfort him. Tears stopped from going down his face and he looked at her nearly gone form. Her words just then were the most that she had said in several days and he was happy to hear them. They gave him hope.

"_Now go home," _She said with a smile._ "You need your rest; you act like I can't see the bags under you eyes."_

"I've always had those," He countered with a small smile in Sara's direction. She smiled at him and glared teasingly yet furiously back at him as her form began to fade.

"OK, OK I'm going," He said and rose to his feet, making his way to the black car.

Her next words oddly enough, didn't bother him though.

"_I love you baby and I know you love me. And those two facts may very much be the end you. They already became the end of me."_

_ ~X~_

"Gilbert Grissom!"

Gil looked up from his book that he had been reading in his new smaller office. Though, he hadn't really been reading it, but running his mind over his last conversation with Sara. He still refused to be bother by her last words, but became elated every time he ran over he words of concern for him. Though it was unneeded it showed that she cared and this helped him get through the day more than she would ever know.

"Gilbert I'm-going-to-find-out-what-your-middle-name-is-someday Grissom!" Catherine screamed, throwing open his door with a loud bang and then slamming it shut even louder.

"Yes Catherine?" He said. He was confused by her outburst and looked at her with curious eyes.

"Where. Have. You. Been." He angry words separated into a sentence for each as she panted from her screaming. He frowned.

"Are you OK Catherine? You look bad." He said bluntly.

She glared at her co-worker. "Am I OK? Are you OK! I've seen people fall apart from reality before Gilbert Grissom and let me tell you, you are falling apart from reality!" She screamed. Gil Grissom saw the guys stop outside his door and listen to their conversation.

"What do mean Catherine? I'm perfectly fine." He told her. He knew he was lying to her about being perfectly fine but he was OK enough to pass for normal right?

A gray-looking Catherine glared at him and the white bricks told him maybe not. Maybe desert Sara was right.

"Griss, you aren't even really here anymore." She said, and her tone was softer now. "You stare at nothing for hours in here, you barely eat even when someone else pays for the food, your car is mess, so covered in sand and dirt and mud from driving it through God knows where, and you constantly have bags under your eyes from lack of sleep. You come to work smelling like sandpaper. You wear the same clothes from the day before and don't even notice. You end up mislabeling evidence and we have to fix your mistakes. You aren't focused on anything in your life. It's like your two different people in two different universes and you seem to like the other one better. Even Nick doesn't go into his memory trances anymore and your whole life-or what I see of it-is a trance."

Grissom blinked at Catherine. His life wasn't a trance. He just spent his time at night with desert Sara and then his days at work thinking about all the conversations they have had and the ones that they could have, how they would turn out, forever together walking through the endless desert with the moon lighting the way like a beacon…

"Grissom!" Catherine moved her hands in front of his eyes in an attempt to knock him out of his thinking spells. He was getting lost from reality and sooner or later, reality would catch up with his man.

And it wouldn't be too kind.

_~X~_

The rain went on endlessly and Gil Grissom stared out his window.

It was the first time it had rained like this since that night. He remembered his panic and worry at her kidnapping, his pain at the thought of losing her. The pain from not keeping his promise to find her.

Gil Grissom looked away from the front window so that he could stop the flashbacks.

"I need to go." He told them. They all shook their heads.

"Catherine told us what you were doing Gil. We are here to make sure you don't get yourself killed driving in this storm." Doc Robbins told him. David, Brass, Nick, Warrick, and Greg nodded in support. They wouldn't let him go anywhere.

But he needed to go. He needed to see Sara and make sure she kept her promise from yesterday. After Catherine yelling sat him it had begun to storm and Grissom had headed out in order to put on his hiking clothes that he now wore regularly during his nights with Sara.

But then his friends came and forced him to stay in his house til it became too late and the storm became too harsh. He had still wanted to go but they all but tied him to a chair in order to keep him in his home.

The traitors. If they were his friends then they were suppose to support his own special form of therapy right?

"Guys…"

"We aren't hearing it Grissom. You came to my house and forced me not to give up my dream right? Well now I'm returning the favor; I've come here to make sure you don't give up your life." Greg was firm like he had never been before and the entomologist was slightly shocked at his counterattack. It was a good one.

But he wasn't going to let it deter him.

"I have to go guys. The storm will weaken and thin out soon. No danger." He tried to reason.

"No way Griss. You need to get a good taste of reality and that means spending the night here, not in the middle of nowhere." Warrick said.

"Yah boss. You need to get a good night's sleep. When the last time you had one of those? Since Sara was alive?" The Texan immediately knew that he had said the wrong thing when Grissom flinched.

But it wasn't for the reasons he suspected. Grissom flinched because he knew what this rain was making him miss out on. Sara.

She was out there in the desert somewhere; Grissom knew this for a fact. But when she found herself alone would she think he forgot about her? Would she hate him and break her promise and not come back. Her words flowed through his mind again.

"_I love you baby."_

He frowned at the thought of never hearing that again. It would kill him to never hear her voice again.

"Now come on Grissom, cheer up. I brought a scotch." Brass said happily. Grissom nodded, deciding that drinking would take away the pain of separation.

_~X~_

The next morning Gil Grissom woke to the sound of thunder outside. He spied the blanket that was draped over his curled up form on his couch and the forms of his drunken friends all over the rest of the living room. He saw that Doc was missing.

He rose and made his way around his friends and into the living room. That was where he found Doc leaning against the window frame. The pouring rain and flashes of lightning showed that it was still impossible to go outside.

"I made coffee."

"Thanks," Gil said, grabbing an empty cup and pouring himself some. He swallowed it in a single gulp.

"I'm sorry Gil but this is necessary. You don't seem to realize how much you're slipping away."

"I don't believe I am Doc." Grissom leaned against the other side of the frame, across from Doc Robbins.

"You are; you're just blinded by the loss." Gil knew what loss he was talking about.

"I'm not; in fact, it has given a new perspective on life."

Doc Robbins looked at his long time friend. "And what is that?"

Gil Grissom turned to look at a picture of the team at its best, when they had Sara, from a year ago. It sat on the counter beside one of just him and her at an amusement park.

"That I can't live without her."

_~X~_

Three days. It has been three full days since he saw Sara.

That first day he had been at work and Catherine yelled at him. The first night he was held hostage by his friends and that lasted til the next night, when Catherine came over. She said that she needed him to babysit Lindsey overnight because she had a date. He had hesitantly agreed.

The next day he had been at work since their whole team had been moved from graveyard to days in order to help them 'move on'. He had tried to get away as soon as shift was over but they got called at the last minute and was gone all night on an arson case where someone burned down a large hotel just outside of town. There a lot of bodies.

That was three days. Without Sara.

She must hate him by now. She must hate him for leaving her all alone in that empty desert. He had to go immediately.

But again, he got held up.

"Hey Grissom, come over here for a second. I need your opinion on these bodies." Doc Robbins called to him from outside edge of the morgue. Gil Grissom groaned quietly but went, determined to leave soon.

He followed the good doctor to the room where he performed autopsies on the bodies and Grissom was surprised to find no bodies laid out on the metal table. He gave Doc Robbins a confused look.

"I wanted to talk before you shot off." He said. Grissom frowned.

Grissom sighed in the direction of his friend but went inside.

"Look Gil, Catherine told me some…interesting news today." He began. Gil could tell he was nervous about something.

"She told me it was best not to tell you but I think you deserve to know." Doc's eyes bore into Grissom's and he gave him a concerned and questioning look.

"What is it?" He needed to hurry this up so he could see Sara.

"Natalie Davis as been charged with the death penalty for the murders of six people." Doc Robbins said. Gil Grissom froze.

"It was Sara. Had she been saved they Natalie probably would have just gotten two life sentences since the death row was full, but since Sara was a CSI, the equivalent of a cop in judicial terms…she got death."

Grissom didn't know whether to be happy or sad. Because the most hated criminal he had ever gone against only got the death penalty because of his soul mate's sacrifice.

Grissom's face was blank as Doc stared at him with worry. He hadn't been sure how this news would effect the man, but he had a feeling it wasn't good.

"Thank you for telling me Doc." Gil Grissom said before leaving to find Sara.

He had to tell her the news.

"Ah Gil?" Doc called before Gil could get out the door. Gil stopped.

"What do you do when you go into the desert?"

Gil Grissom paused before answering.

"I go for walks with Sara."

_~X~_

"Sara! SARA! Where are you Sara?" Gil Grissom called into the quiet night.

It was another full moon tonight, like the one that was up the first night he saw her. The rain had left the sand damp and gushing wherever he stepped but he didn't care because right now Sara was missing.

Again.

"Sara!"

He had arrived in the same spot like always, worried sick about whether she would be here or not. And she had been gone, missing. His heart had broken and tears had streamed down his face at her breaking her oath. She had left him and now he was all alone.

No colors.

"Sara! Sara please come back; I need you! I can't live without you Sara, no matter how much you tell me to move on! I can't do it! I need you Sara so please, come out again!"

His pleas were met with silence and soon he collapsed onto the wet sandy ground and let himself fall apart. Let the tears come freely and the hysteria take over as he sobbed uselessly into the sand dunes underneath him.

No colors.

"Sara please…"

"_Do you remember our walks?" _

Her voice was like the return of a lost angel and Gil Grissom's head lurched up looked around. He saw her pale form standing in front of him with soft saddened eyes as she stared at his current position; weak, curled up on the ground and racking with sobs.

"SARA!" He screamed and jumped from his feet and towards her. He forgot everything as he threw himself at her.

His body hit hers and it reminded him of hugging fog; it was there, it was solid, but it couldn't hold to a shape well and didn't stay in your arms.

Sara gasped at his hug and he wondered what he felt like to her.

"_Gil…"_

"Sara, I swear to God don't ever scare me like that again! I thought you were gone. I'm, so sorry I haven't been here but with the storm and Catherine and Doc there has been no time. I love you." He sobbed into her chest and she smiled down at him.

"_It's OK baby; I'm here now and so are you. I love you too. But like I said, do you remember our walks?"_

Gil Grissom composed himself but didn't pull away.

"Every single one. They had you in them; how could I forget?"

Sara laughed and his heart sped up at the sound. He looked into her eyes and for the first time they looked like how they did when she was alive. In fact, she looked like a live person tonight, no transparency.

"_Well that's good baby because I want you to do something for me tonight."_

"Anything Sara," He responded.

She pointed to the space right in front of her._ "Start from here. Walk with me through all of the different walks in all the different directions we went. I want you to not stop for anything, even though I might disappear. Please Gil. Will you do this for me? I love you more than my own life."_

Gil Grissom didn't pause a second. "I love you too Sara. You are worth more to me than my own life too." He told her truthfully. She frowned slightly.

"_I wish you would think more reasonably about things but I can't help but say that I love to here those words come from you baby."_

And then they began walking in the endless moonlight.

_ ~X~_

"HE WHAT?" The small group yelled at Doc Robbins.

"He's gone insane!" Greg declared.

"He's past insane Greggo." Nick counteracted.

"We should have payed better attention to him." Warrick said, sounding defeated.

"Damn him! Damn you Gilbert Grissom! I can't lose you too!" Catherine yelled, slamming her hand on the table. It shook the wooden frame.

"But what a second; Sara is dead. How could the dude go walk with her through the desert?" Nick asked.

"He's hallucinating Nicky. He's imagining that she is there when really she is not." Catherine ground out, still angry. She turned to Doc Robbins.

"HOW did you get him to tell you this?" She snarled. Doc Robbins rubbed the back of his neck nervously. Catherine was like a tiger when she got mad; she would rip you apart.

"I decided that he needed to know about Natalie." He explained. "He seemed in a hurry so I made it short. Then I plain out asked him what he did in that desert and he said he took walks with Sara. I knew exactly what Sara he was talking about."

Catherine looked ready to kill as Brass came into the room.

"I just put out an APB on one Gilbert Grissom in the same area that we did for Sara. Nothings turned up yet but I just put it out."

The whole team looked at each other in silence as a wave of déjà vu came over all of them. It was just like the night Sara was kidnapped and disappeared; only now they were minus one person.

Gilbert Grissom.

"I don't think we'll need that APB Jim. We know exactly where he is."

_~X~_

Catherine Willows and Warrick Brown got out of the car and stepped into the windy desert that they had been in barely half a year ago. It was dark this time for they had came at night, but that made no difference to them. They held large and powerful flashlights that they immediately turned on. Another car pulled up and Greg Sanders and Nick Stokes came out. A third car pulled up and Jim Brass got out with Doc Robbins at his side.

Just in case.

Several police car came down the sand road with their lights flashing and alarms roaring. Police officers and search volunteers exited the cars and joined the CSIs.

They had found the road easily enough. All of them remembered the hidden drive that led to this part of the desert. Plus, the roadway was worn with car tire tracks, old and new. Grissom had been coming here for a long time.

They easily located his Denali, just a hundred feet in front of their cars. It was empty.

"Damn," Warrick muttered.

"Come on guys. He couldn't have gotten far and it's the dead of night; his tracks should still be visible." Catherine yelled. And the team set off searching through the same desert that had claimed their friend.

_~X~_

"_This was Gil baby. That's it, just up and over. You can conquer a simple rock." _Sara cheered Grissom on as he continued on with his walk with Sara. She watched and Grissom climbed the rock, counting out loud the number of steps it took for him to cross it. He had to keep track or he would get lost.

Dawn was approaching and they both knew it. Their walks had never lasted this long before and they had only gotten about a third of the way. He would have to hurry and get going before the sun rose and things started to get really bad for him.

"_Come baby!" _Sara cried again. Grissom finally got over the bolder and Sara jumped up and down while clapping her hands in her excitement. He loved it when she was like this; a little kid. It made him smile.

"_Now only ten more boulders to go." _She said, and Gil Grissom groaned.

_~X~_

"Phss. I haven't found anything! The wind is getting too harsh!" Greg yelled into the walkie-talkie that all the searchers had. It was nearly daylight and he was up in a helicopter searching for his missing boss.

Even after Catherine took over, Grissom was still called boss by almost half of the staff. All the labs techs called him that along with Nick, Warrick, and himself. Catherine even seemed to still see him as that title. Just because he wasn't supervisor anymore doesn't mean he wasn't their boss.

But as Greg looked out the side of the helicopter, he tried to grasp what in the world was going through his boss's mind. The desert was a nightmare with the wind blowing all over the place and the cold night air freezing Greg's skin. Even the heater in the helicopter helped him only a little.

"Phss. Us either Greg; the wind has blown away any tracks! We've had to split into teams so we don't lose anyone else. I can't see much the way this wind is picking up!" Catherine yelled into the device.

She was on the ground with Brass at her side. As they had advanced in random directions, the wind had really picked up. Any footprints that would have been perfectly clear in the soft muddy sands were destroyed. She slipped the goggles onto her face in an effort to protect her eyes from sand.

"Here Jim; you'll need 'um!" She yelled over the raging winds, thrusting a pair of goggles into his arms.

"Thanks."

Greg looked out onto the large desert dunes and couldn't help but think of the irony. Natalie wasn't the real killer here, the desert was. It had taken their friend from them leaving nothing behind for them to commemorate her with, and then lured her distraught lover into the sea of sand too, using her image.

Greg couldn't grasp what it must have been like for Grissom to see the fake image of Sara. It must have been like a dream come true and his worst nightmare put together into one dream. It must have broken his heart and sewed his chest back together again. It must have…

"Phss. Greg, I think I found some footprints here!" Nick yelled into the communicators.

For the first time since Grissom had come to his house and told him to never give up on his dreams, Greg felt hope.

_~X~_

"Sara, are you OK?" Gil Grissom asked the dead image of the love of his life. Sara had had this strange look on her face for the last few minutes. He didn't know what to think of it at first but it wouldn't go away so he felt the need to ask her.

"_I'm fine Gil but baby…I have to go." _She said. Her voice was sad and her eyes were cast downward. Grissom immediately panicked.

"What! Sara, you can't leave-you promised never to leave!" Gil cried at the top of his lungs. For the first time he stopped walking and stared at her.

"_Gil baby, sunrise is coming. I can't stay." _Her eyes looked dead again like they always had looked before tonight.

"No! No Sara you can't leave!" Gil cried in anguish. He was begging her.

"_Sorry. I love you…"_ Sara's voice trailed off as the first rays of sunlight flashed through the skies and the light momentarily blinded Gil Grissom. He closed his eyes, blinking the spots away and he felt all of the nightly winds stop to blow. It like nature stopped working when Sara left.

"SARA!" He screamed. Gil couldn't stop thinking about how she couldn't leave him, not again.

Gil struggled to get his mind together. Sara had known this would happen. She had said to keep going even if she disappeared.

And he would do just that. He would keep going.

Gil Grissom continued to walk through the desert with Sara's presence in his heart.

_~X~_

"What?" Catherine frantically asked her co-worker.

"Look at these prints. They look like Grissom's work shoes. They may be halfway gone, but I can tell where a majority of them are." Nicky said to the redhead. Warrick, Brass, and Catherine looked closely at the footprints and nodded; they looked like Grissom's.

"Let's go!" Warrick yelled with enthusiasm.

The team hurried along with Doc Robbins and David trailing behind them. They may not have been regular doctors, but they knew how to treat most things that the others didn't.

They followed the path that their boss's track made in the sand. They would suddenly change direction; sometime after only a few steps and sometime after twenty minutes of walking. By the time they had gotten about five miles and over lots of boulders, it was nearly mid-day. The heat was getting to them all and they were all tired beyond belief.

"Were the hell is Grissom going?" Brass complained for the sixth time. None of them knew so none of them had answered him. The sun baked them all in it's heat.

"Oh shut it Jim! Just shut it! Grissom is missing, probably dying out here like Sara did, and all you can do is complain about your feet! What kind of life-long friend are you! Did you think about his position? He's already half mad and collapsing from the heat! And _he _doesn't have a helicopter overhead or a canteen full of water! So shut the hell up and get moving!" Catherine screeched at him. She literally was in his face and Jim Brass's face showed such shame as he realized that all of this was true. Plus, they still hadn't found him.

All the others, including Greg who chose to walk on the ground and let Doc and David do the aerial search, felt fear race through their veins.

It was so hot and tiring walking out here. Grissom had to be dying, or already dead.

"Lets get moving," Nick said as fear took over his mind and his legs picked up the pace. All of them copied Nick and started to walk faster, especially Brass.

They walk for almost twenty more minutes before they saw several large slates of rock leaning against one another. The created a sort of cave and were amazingly well hidden by the large sand dunes on either side.

As they neared the outcropping, Catherine realized that this was the direction as to where they were heading.

Catherine broke out into a sprint as the other yelled at her to stop. But her mind was in a reckless abandon as the darted to the mouth of the cave.

Sadly, she tripped on a smaller rock near the outer edge. She was flailing as gravity forced her to hit the cold and unusually flat stone ground. It was cold as hell and Catherine jumped in shock from contact with the freezing surface.

She felt blood trickle down from the bump on her head that the tag-team of gravity and hard surfaces; them: 1 Catherine: 2.

Catherine slowly raised her face as the yells of her team called out from behind her. However, the sights of bones and dirt in her face made Catherine jump to her feet and scream bloody murder.

"Catherine," Warrick said panting as he came to an ungraceful stop beside her. He looked urgently at her face. "Catherine, what's wrong?" Warrick panicked.

Catherine, her face stuck in horror, simply raised her hand and pointed in front of her. Tears streamed restlessly as Warrick looked up and let out a cry of despair.

The other caught up with them and looked at the sight before them. They all mirrored Catherine and Warrick's reactions.

There was a set of bones lying on there back inside the cave. Remnants of the clothes the skeleton wore told them that this was all that remained of Sara Sidle. The bones were perfectly in order aside from a few that had been moved by scavengers and chewed on. Her skull was facing the right side of the cave.

Beside the skeleton of their friend was a newer carcass. He lay in the same position as her except his head was turned to the left, facing her's. Though he still had flesh and bone on his body, he looked just as dead as her. Catherine didn't even have to check Gil Grissom's pulse to know he was dead; his chest wasn't moving.

"No Gil…" Catherine murmured before sobbing her heart out into her hands. Warrick wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close in order to help comfort both her and himself as he too cried helplessly into her back.

Nick erupted into tears as he stared at his amazing boss and friend both lying their dead. Greg felt tears of disappointment and loss come over him also. He immediately thought about leaving but after Grissom had come to his house that day he knew he could never give up his dream; he would do it Grissom and Sara.

Even Brass and Doc Robbins cried softly at their long-time friend. They had both known Gilbert Grissom for many years and both thought of Sara as a daughter. Both of them supported David as he fell in tears.

But throughout it all Jim Brass managed to smile a small smile. Because on Gil Grissom's face was a smile like he had only seen before Natalie.

It was a smile of pure happiness and love.

Not even when he was following imaginary Sara around in the desert did Gil have that smile on his face like he did when he was reunited with his real, solid Sara.

"He promised he would find her. And he did." Brass muttered as more tears rained down.

_~X~_

The news was all over it. "The Sixth Miniature Killer Victim and Lover Found in Desert Where She Disappeared" was all over the news. The team refused all questioning aside from the fact that no, Gil Grissom did not put her there he found her and died trying to get her back. None of them knew whether this was true but at the joint funeral for Gil and Sara (they had decided to not throw her a funeral until they found her remains) the entire department cried at the loss, even Conrad Ecklie.

"Had a change of heart, huh?" Brass joked with the red-faced man.

Conrad merely shook his head and mourned for the loss supervisor.

All of the team spoke at the funeral and for days they team would spend hours visiting the two marble gravestones that sat side by side in the cemetery.

Natalie Davis was out to death shortly after that and her last words were an, "I'm sorry," to Sara and Grissom.

Eventually two plaques were put onto the wall of the lab that held pictures of cops and CSI's that had died in the field.

And every day Catherine, Warrick, Nick, and Greg would greet the pictures of Sara Sidle and Gil Grissom.

_~X~_

The full moon shone onto the desert that had caused so much damage. Not a cloud could be seen in the Las Vegas sky and Sara Sidle smiled as she looked at her love and lover Gil Grissom. He smiled softly back.

"_Hey,"_ She whispered into the breeze.

"_Hey,"_ He calmly replied and wind blew back at her as his words reached her dead ears.

"_Would you like to take a walk with me?" _Sara asked him.

"_As long as we don't stop, I'd love to."_ Gil responded.

The two dead CSIs grabbed each other's hands and began an endless trek through the desert that had claimed them.

_~X~ _

Kind of sad, don't you think? I hope I don't bring along any tears with this, I really hate Sara-dies-in-the-desert-stories but this seemed good to me. If I accidentally copied another's idea with this, (don't you think others would have put Grissom returns to the desert and find Sara's body but dies stories out there?) then I'm sorry.

I love my readers! You are the best readers in the world! NOW REVIEW OR I WILL SEND MY KILLER DESERT AFTER YOU!

Hehe…kidding. And I'm not talking about killing you with my desert.

No, I really love my readers. !)

~Sweevil Out!


End file.
